Friday, April 27, 2012

chin up

My little dude,

You've been such a trooper weathering all that I've put you through in this past year -- moving you out of the only home you knew, convincing you we were going on an  adventure, shuffling you between two homes, leaving you with half a dozen new sitters and then putting you in daycare while I went back to work. Through it all, you've been a courageous little boy and I've pushed you to be brave and more independent simply because I can't do it all.

I will never forget the morning I came downstairs and you attempted to make yourself oatmeal. You must have placed a full bowl of Quaker Oats under the tap and turned it on full blast because there were oats sprayed all over the walls, cabinets, kitchen counter. It's a wonder there was much left for you to eat in that bowl. You strategically placed paper towel over all the mess hoping maybe it would go unnoticed. I happily mopped up knowing how much determination it probably took for you to self serve yourself breakfast.

I know the transitions are the hardest on you. How many times have I picked you up from your father's apartment, you climb into the car, give me a big "mwah"and declare how much you miss me and then no more than 1/2 mile later, you admit you miss daddy, too?  I always say the same thing: "I know. It's hard. It's OK to miss us both."  

Sometimes we have to make really hard decisions -- painful ones because we know it will be hard on people we love. But sometimes it's necessary because it rights our course --  puts us back on a more honest path. It's amazing how much energy is sucked out of you when we hold secrets inside. All I can say is that I tried really hard to preserve our family but in the end, it's true what I told you -- sometimes grown ups are better friends when we live apart.

So hang in there, little dude. I know mommy is a bit scatter-brained right now and I'm so sorry I sometimes forget to pack you a snack or  miss your karate belt exam. And I know you miss your neighborhood friends and you hate being the last one picked up from daycare but know that I'm working hard for both of us. Chin up.