OneRepublic - Secrets

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

In homage to my new blog, I thought this music selection was a good one since I've been giving all my secrets away lately. As a newbie blogger, I must admit that publishing a blog entry is like being out on a high wire - it's really a very vulnerable position to be in. I remember attending a poetry reading and being so impressed with this man's ability to put into words some of his innermost secrets for all his readers to consume. He detailed incredibly beautiful moments but didn't hold back on the most painful and sometimes shocking experiences in his life. Perhaps in poetry or for that matter, music, a soft veil covers the poet and the composer protectively. Not so with the writer -- it's all out there in black and white -- stark naked. 

That's probably why I've never been able to keep a diary. Believe me, I've tried. I've loved the idea of a diary since I was 13 years old and my mother bought me one. It was blue with pink flowers on it and it came with a sturdy leather strap and a lock with an itty-bitty key that I wore around my neck. I wrote for awhile but then months later would go back to my entries, read them and then rip them out and tear them into pieces. I don't recall what was so damning in those entries that necessitated me to shred them so completely. Maybe I'd written down my angst because mom wouldn't buy me the Calvin Klein jeans which were considered a staple in 7th grade? Or perhaps my sadness when my brothers stopped letting me play football with the guys because it just wasn't proper? Was it my confession that I was crushing on the cute boy in Spanish class who always wore plaid shirts and teased me relentlessly?   I mean what exactly is a 13-year old girl so afraid to reveal?

But it wasn't maturity that stood in the way. The habit of demolishing my diary entries persisted. I graduated to bigger journals, swearing that this time, this time around I would write and keep it for posterity. But it never happened -- ultimately my writing would find its way to the shredder. So here I am, feeling pretty unprotected right now because blogging is not for my eyes only. It's sending all your thoughts and feelings out their for the world to see. And I do mean world -- just noticed the other day that the blog tracker indicated that someone in Russia opened my page. And no, I don't know anyone in Russia. I'm sure I will also be getting a message from a frantic study abroad student traveling in Russia who wants me to wire her cash so she can buy a plane ticket home for Thanksgiving.

In any case, here I am, nothing to hide just giving my secrets away. 

(Musical note: I love, love the strings in this song and how the cello really drives the melody throughout. Enjoy.)